I have sat with my baby and written his story the way I believe he sees it. I was born on the 7th of October 1994. So many things went wrong the day I was born it was a miracle I made it, and my mum has told me many times she is so glad I did. In the last 16 years I have been surrounded by people that love me and knew that I was such a special boy. In the inner most being of me I am a quiet and shy boy with a gentle spirit that drew people to me. In my earlier years I felt my most comfortable when I was at home with my brothers and sisters. My older brother and sister adored me and my brother braiden was my best friend, my younger brother and sister wanted to be just like me and my mum and dad knew what a precious gift God has given them in me. I found joy in the little things like swimming in the river at the back of our house riding the motorbikes on the farm, hosing down the cow shed after dad had finished milking, climbing trees and playing in the hay bales. Those that have known me for a long time saw a different me than those of you I have met more recently. They saw a little boy that didn’t seem to quite fit in to the harshness that life sometimes is. I struggled at school, learning was hard and making friends was harder. Over time I got more confident and felt safe about letting more people into my world. When I got to college my life changed again I wasn’t ready for the big world and yet there it was, enticing me to be a part of it. I tried harder than I had before to fit in and it didn’t take long before people saw my gentle kind spirit and invited me to be a part of their lives. Without sounding to up myself I think I can safely say that the girls found my personality to be endearing and the boys found that annoying. My friends gave me some of the best times of my life, and it wasn’t long before my parents starting complaining that they were forgetting what I looked liked. I think now I will go back to the day I was born to hopefully help you all understand a little more about the last years of my life.. As a result of things not going to plan the day I was born I have dyspraxia. Dyspraxia does not define who I am however it has affected how I have reacted to life and plays a role in why you are all here today. Because of it life was more of a struggle for me than most. I had to try so much harder than others to achieve the same things because my brain worked differently. When I was little It was easier because I was a little boy that was full of enthusimn and wanted to try my hardest. Unfortunatley as I got older the other parts of me that were affected by the dyspraxia began to surface and things became more difficult for me. I began to see that I was different from others around me. I worried about everything and spent a lot of time feeling anxious about even the littlest of things. I wanted to fit in so badly but that took so much of my energy that it began to take a toll on me and I was less able to cope. When I was with my friends I was the happy go lucky sam that you all loved but when I was alone I became increaseingly sad. This is when I made the decision to take drugs. I have told it to my mother this way. We I first started I was happy again for a little while and felt more able to cope but as time went on it didn’t last long enough and I had to use more and more In the end I told my mum, somedays mum it is the only thing that keeps me alive. I knew what I was doing was hurting the people that I loved and I said sorry to them a lot but I always went back because the pain I now felt would not go away. There were momments of happiness in amongst the struggle of the last year of my life. I had momments of joy with my family where we laughed and behaved like the family god always designed us to be, I had good times with my friends and I was lucky enough to fall in love with my beautiful Maddy. But in the end I just couldn’t hold on any more. We closest to Sam understand his struggle we wish he could of stayed with us but understand that in the end he had no choice but to find some peace. Our son has been lifted up by god to the most wonderful place and I know my God will take such good care of him until we see him again. Thank you all for coming today and sharing in our grief. I am so sorry for those of you who are hurting and pray that God will bless you and and place a peace on your heart that will help you get through the next little while I Love you to the moon and back forever and ever Amen Mum